HOW NOT TO GET IN VERY MUCH TROUBLE

The commercials are better

2006-09-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we went to Cedar Point and it was okay, but not as good as I thought it would be. I remember we had a really good time there the last couple of times I was there but I was drunk too so maybe that was it! This time I didn't drink very much. They don't let you do ANYTHING fun there, you can't climb up on the rides or play with buttons or anything. Although i like the flippity snake things in that one souvenir shop! You should hear Cue yell when one of those gets put down her dress!

But one really fun part was that I got to ride on the OUTSIDE of the bus for almost thirty miles! We had to stop at the rest area because Leesah could not find a THINGY in her purse (you all know what a THINGY is right and I don't have to talk about that stuff on my blog right?) and she had to buy one at the machine so we stopped at the rest stop and I got out to go for a walk and they ALMOST LEFT WITHOUT ME but I caught up to the bus just in time and I got to hang on the back door for almost 30 miles! (I know how long it was because Ian keeps saying that he always wanted to know what "30 blissfully quiet miles" felt like. Well if he wants to know that he should hang off the back of the bus next time we go on a trip cause it was COOL!!! I was going to try climing on top but i couldn't get my foot on the ledge.)

Can you believe that THINGIES come in bathroom vending machines! I love bathroom vending machines. I find all kinds of cool stuff in them. They don't have THINGIES in the mens' room vending machines though.

I'll Eat That!

2006-08-18T04:52:00.000-05:00

I don't care what it is, I can eat anything you dare me to because it will not hurt. I have eaten broken glass and razor blades and big icky nails and dirt and Donna's cooking. See, I can say that even though I know that she's going to come and whomp me for it, because it will not hurt.

Yesterday I ate Andrew's watch! But then I gave it back to him so he didn't know.

Maybe I will write some more later today but that's it for now. I woke up at 5:45 in the morning and had to go to the bathroom and while I was in there it occcurred to me that I should blog this about eating whatever. I wonder if I am still dreaming? Maybe I'm not blogging anything at all. But at least I don't have to go to the bathroom any more.

Naked Ladies!

2006-07-13T20:54:00.000-05:00

Leesah and Donna ran naked through the house today! Someone stole their tops when they were sunbathing! It wasn't me! I SWEAR it wasn't me! I think it was Medoc.

It's really hot here now, but know what? Over on the other side of the world, it's the middle of winter! I always thought that was neat. If I really really wanted to go sledding right now, I could get on an airplane and go to Australia or South Africa and go sledding.

I like riding on airplanes. The stewardesses bring me peanuts and pillows. Once Joey and I were on the airplane and we kept asking for more and more pillows just to see how many we could get her to bring us. I think we each had about 14 of them by the end of the flight, and Joey had drooled on at least half of his because he does that when he goes to sleep. Gross.

Our new swimming pool is PERFECT! I like sending the boats over the edge of the above-ground part into the ground-level part. It's like a huuuuuuge waterfalls. If you listen really carefully you can hear the little Fisher Price people screaming.

No One Will Believe Me

2006-06-19T02:04:00.000-05:00

But I really truly really truly really really really did NOT make this up myself!!!!!

Now I have to go put it in the Manor Forum too!!!!!

Things that Would Be Cool

2006-06-15T18:25:00.000-05:00

Learning how to play the trombone! And then serenading everyone from the front yard! Taking a bath in pudding. A hot-air balloon ride, sitting ON TOP of the balloon! 99 luftballoons!

What the hell is a luftballoon?

Oh, Joey is saying that means it's red. Really?

Other things that would be cool: Picking your nose on television. Getting some people to admit that they're wrong! (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!)

Black-and-white speckley chickens!!!

MY NEW FLIP-FLOPS!!! With the funny foot tread! We went to KMART today and I found those shoes there, now I know why Joey and Kimberly and Leesah are always talking about shoes, but I bet that none of them have flip flips like this!

Computers are cool. My computer plays pac-man with me! What else is cool: The Pac-Man-Fever song. I should learn to play THAT on the trombone! E-mail is cool. Having an e-mail address is cool. Getting letters about my penis from people who don't even KNOW me well enough to talk about that is NOT cool. I told them all just where to stick their amazing high-powered hard-on pills. Hope that works for 'em.

Watermelons are cool. Spitting watermelon seeds is even better. There's even CONTESTS for that! I mean, come on. When else do you get encouraged to spit as much and as far as possible? But not at people? Who yell at you? And smack you with the garden hose? And leave welts? It didn't hurt.

I Don't Know What to Write About

2006-05-28T20:54:00.000-05:00

But here I am on the computer, because no one else in the house wants to do anything. Boring boring boring!!!! We grilled out, we played in the mud that's in the hole where the new swimming pool will be, we did kickball, but Waaaaaaaah, it's toooooooo hoooooottttttttt to do anything but lay around and watch the television.

I like to watch the television too. But they won't let me watch the Jaques Cousteau special, the one with the squids. Sooooo I have it on in my room and I am typing in my blog and eating VINCE'S CHEEZY-POOFS THAT I STOLE HA HA HA! He doesn't know I have them. And he never will!

Unless he checks my stool.

Because that's where I hid them.

Under the stool by my window.

What did you THINK I was talking about?!

Now they are chasing the squid. I hope that little guy doesn't get hurt. That's an awful big squid and it could probably crush his oxygen tank with one testacle.

TENTACLE! I mean TENTACLE!!!

Last night Joey got really drunk! But he only threw up once that I know of. Cue and I put him to bed around 2:30 in the morning. I had to sit on him to make him stay in there. It was funnny!

There, dammit. I hope they're happy down there, watching the Corpse Bride AGAIN. I'm ALL OUT of things to write about. I'm going to go see what else there is to eat. Ooooh! Hey! I bet we have some strawberries left.

I think I know this guy!!

2006-05-13T19:44:00.000-05:00

I wish I had a job like this.

Not that I don't like the job I have now.

But this would be fun, too.

GET YOUR OWN!!!

2006-05-06T21:34:00.000-05:00

BAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

HEY!

2006-04-17T19:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't put anything here in a long time! Almost a whole month! I don't want you to think that I am not doing anything worthwhile. I'm having a lot of fun! The woods behind the house is all full of new plants. Also there is a new bees'-nest in one of the trees. I know because I found it on Saturday. When I was throwing sticks.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT THROW STICKS:

It pisses off the bees.

Don't worry, it didn't hurt. I was all swell-ey for a few hours but then it went away. And now we know where the bees live and so no one else will go over there and get stung!

Once there was a bees'-nest started in one of the treehouses (the one for the grown-ups) but that didn't last very long because Medoc poured beer all over it. I think he got stung a couple of times. Drunk bees are funny. Zimozas said that we should set it on fire, but he hates bugs. All of them! He won't even go see the butterflies at the Meijer Gardens. He's not allowed near the bar-b-que, either.

What else have we been doing?

OH! OH OH OH! The Manor has a forum now! We have been working really hard on the website. The Forum part is up and there are lots and lots of posts there! You will like reading them. Especially if you like potty mouths and toilet humor (that's what Ian says, but it's not ALL like that). You can even put your own post up in a couple of places. But if you are Mr. Spammy, watch out! You'll end up owing us a LOT of money! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

It's NOT FUNNY

2006-03-26T07:12:00.000-05:00

I don't KNOW why I did it, okay? But i did it and then it was done and I don't think people have to laugh like they did. But here is some advice: if you ever think it would be fun to cram butter up your nose for ANY reason, it is kind of fun at first but then it becomes not very much fun because when you've got both nostrils crammed with butter then it doesn't come out very welll and then you're stuck with a nose full of butter and you have to keep trying to blow and blow and blow and it doesn't go anywhere because you crammed too much in.

Eventually it slides out.

But then you will know not to ever do it again, and how will you learn these things unless you are willing to experiment?

Wasn't this supposed to be a group effort?

2006-03-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

I can see I'm going to have to wipe things from my nose on some people.
But I bet they'd like it.
I am wondering if anyone reads my blog besides everyone else at Complex Manor? Because I have been to other blogs, and made comments on them. But no one except other people from my house ever makes any comments on mine.
Not that I am ungrateful for the other people from my house. I, we, all were just hoping for a little more interactivity.
Especially since blogging and all that is supposed to be sooooooooo important.
It's not like we're not trying.
Regardless, we're here. We always were, and we'll be here long after the internet runs out of juice.

Things fall apart.
We don't.

THIS is the WEEK!

2006-03-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yes! This week whether it's done or not (and believe me, it's not) the official website for our house is going online so that we can get that stinky ugly no-good loser "Under Construction" page off!!! And then at least there will be SOMETHING there for you to look at when you click the Complex Manor links!

YAAAAAAAY!!!

And in other news,
since I like lists,
and hitting my ENTER key,
Here are some things that seem like really, really
good ideas at the time,
but aren't:

1. putting glitter in the Jell-O to make it sparkly
2. putting glitter in just about anything edible to make it sparkly
3. feeding sparkly fried eggs to the dog
3.5 without telling the dog's person what you did
3.75 so that when he takes her for a walk and uses the pooper scooper
3.875 he freaks right the fuck out and calls an ambulance for the DOG.
4. allowing an electoral college to have the final vote in an election since the possibility exists that the duly elected representatives can still overturn the results of a popular vote
5. telling the lady at 7-11 that you graduated summa cum laude from the electoral college
6. speaking any Latin to the lady at 7-11, because she thinks you're talking dirty to her
7. even though there's absolutely no reason why anyone would want to.

THE END.

YAAAAAAYY!!!

2006-03-07T00:39:00.000-05:00

He only did it because I sat on him, but finally MY BEST FRIEND JOEY HOSANNAH is playing in his blog!

Oh, It's Over

2006-01-10T11:59:00.000-05:00

Now the holidays are done. We got really busy, and I didn't play with my blog for awhile. But now I can play with it again, because I think my hangover is almost gone.
I always hear from people that they never know what to do to entertain themselves once the holidays are done. It's like they got so caught up in all the running around that they forget what they were doing all the rest of the year!
So here are some of the things we've been doing at the Manor, so in case any of you need an idea, you can borrow one of these.
1. Go shopping.
2. Take down the Christmas tree.
3. Have a needle-throwing fight with all the sharp thingies that the tree left all over the carpet.
4. See how many needles you can dump in Joey's hair!
5. Run away from Joey.
6. See if there's any eggnog left.
7. If there isn't any, make some more. Watch peoples' faces when you try to give them eggnog after New Year's Day.
8. Collect new swear words.
9. Make a snowman.
10. If there isn't any snow where you live, make a mud-and-grass man.
11. Invite him inside to play Canasta.
12. Just take the goddamn cards outside and play, since snowmen and mudmen do not belong in the house no matter how good of an idea it seems like at first.
13. How many slinkies did you get for Christmas? How many staircases are in your house? See where I'm going with this?

And that should keep you busy for a day or so. If you still run out of things to do, it's not my fault. Go to the bar or something.

I WASN'T EVEN THERE!!!!

2005-11-20T06:58:00.000-05:00

But I WISH I was! Even though I'm sorry that some of the chickens died, THIS would have been GREAT to see!!!!!!

Glow Worms!

2005-11-18T07:04:00.000-05:00

Where can I get some of these bacterias?!?!?!?!?! We could put it on EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE!!!!!!

HALLOWEEN PARTY!!

2005-10-09T20:11:00.000-05:00

Every year! We have one at the house! And I was reading the newspaper, about the photographs that the scientists took, and I got my idea for my costume! I am going to be a 50-foot-long SQUID!!! (I might compromise on the length, but I might not, because SIZE MATTERS.)

S'Ferrin wants to know what kind of noises squids make. That's stupid. He's a scientist too, he should know that already. Squids make noises just exactly like chickens would if chickens lived underwater. They both have beaks! So, just for Halloween, I will be doing a modified version of the chicken dance. It will be (are you ready for this?) THE SQUID DANCE. It goes exactly the same, except that you have to do it with your tentacles.

FUN!

2005-09-24T05:38:00.000-05:00

I GOT A NEW BACKGROUND ON HERE! actually I had help and didn't do it myself but I GOT A NEW BACKGROUND ON HERE and it exactly matches the one for my column in the Grim! Which has not been published in your world for a long long time and we hope someday it will come back but there is the very little and big issue of stupid stinky old money. Or rather, the lack of it. I don't see why everyone who wants their very own printing press can't just have one. Money isn't really a problem here. If you don't have any, it's because you are a SLACKER. But Jymi tells me that it is usually but not always the opposite in the other place. Sometimes the green papers come to our world and we use them to make paper mache animals. WARNING: THEY ARE NOT GOOD TO EAT.

Porno Stars and Sock Races

2005-09-15T11:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday SOME PEOPLE (not me except when I walked into the room now and then) spent ALL DAY hogging the TV room watching porno movies. I wanted to watch CNN. I have a TV in my room, but I wanted to watch on the BIG SCREEN because it looks cool when things blow up. I suppose I could just get my own big screen TV in my own room.

But anyway, did you ever notice that the people in the porno movies are always doing the same few basic things? Sometimes they do them inside a house, and sometimes they do them out by the swimming pool, and sometimes they do them in an office building, and sometimes they do them where they should ABSOLUTELY NOT be doing them. But it's always the same few things that they're doing. I know the "writers" probably try very hard to think of new things for the porno movie scripts, but let's face it, their options are really kind of limited.

So I think they should have porno naked sock races (well, naked except for the socks). They could take off all their clothes and go running across the biggest polished hardwood floor in the world! They could also go naked in the Moon Jump tent! I love the Moon Jump tent. I bet the porno actors would appreciate being able to do different things naked.

Ten Naked people + A Moon Jump tent = flop, flop, flop, flop, flop!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

MR SPAMMY DEFILED MY BLOG!!!

2005-09-07T11:55:00.000-05:00

RRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRR!!!
I HATE MR SPAMMY! On my very nice post below about all the things I learned so far today someone put a comment up about HOW WE CAN GET DISCOUNT AIRLINE TICKETS!!! THAT IS SO RUDE!!!!
Never mind that we do not NEED discount airline tickets! Also there was something about a stupid pop singer that I don't even remember who it was because they are so stupid and I didn't read it very close! Does Mr Spammy realize that NO ONE READS HIS STUPID THINGS?!

So, another thing I've learned today:
10. HOW TO DELETE SPAMMY COMMENTS FROM MY BLOG.

I'm going to get on a TV show and pretend to be Mr Spammy! I will show everyone that he is stupid and evil and probably pees his bed! NO ONE LIKES YOU, MR SPAMMY! GO AWAY!

Things I've Learned So Far Today

2005-09-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

1. Peanut butter cookies make a really good breakfast but if you put them in your scrambled eggs, leave the ketchup out.

2. The Earth is 91-95 million miles away from the Sun!

3. Lipstick is NOT good for the write-on-wipe-off board.

4. The Garbage disposal loves eggs, with OR without shells. With makes a better noise.

5. There are TEN planets in our solar system that we know of now!

6. Jupiter is mostly gas! So is Saturn!

7. Persons with hangovers do not appreciate the Chicken Dance. (I knew that before, but I got reminded today.)

8. NASA does not know that there are people on Pluto!

9. Three-year olds do not understand Cartesian Dualism, even if you explain it with puppets.

That's about it for today. But it's only 12:30 pm, so I will probably learn a lot more things before I eventually go to bed. It's very important to keep learning things all the time. I like being alive, it's always so interesting!

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

2005-09-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

I just don't. It was only a little Crisco.

No Linkies!

2005-08-29T08:50:00.000-05:00

WHY aren't there any places for links on the side of this? I don't want to change templates, this one is pretty! But I want links because we have to make everyone's blogs link up. Doesn't "blog" sound like it's something that comes out of your nose? When I have a cold I have tissies all over the floor of my room and they're full of blogs. One time I sneezed and blew blogs all over Joey and he hissed and hissed at me. I guess it was kind of gross. But FUNNY!

HIIIIIII !!!!!

2005-08-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

I am NILLY RAMBUS and this is MY BLOG and I AM ON THE INTERNET NOW and I AM UNSTOPPABLE and I AM ALSO SOMETIMES A DINOSAUR but i am NO LONGER AN AIRPLANE!!!!!!